Someone once told me:
"You're a brilliant writer. You should never stop."
So i invented (yet once again, another attempt- i hope i wont fail this time) at blogspot.
Check me out as i elevate my musings at http://parvinswritings.blogspot.com
I hope- i will remain there.
Thank God Its Friday.
Its been one hell of a week. I worked my ass off for 5 days and i am down with flu, sore throat and muscle ache.
The highs of the week was:
1. Dragged Khairil to Mydin and bought Hindi DVDs (Hooray!!!). Will watch it over the weekend. Nothing beats a good Hindi marathon for me :)
2. Created a Thomas Cup team within my Department and we will play every Wednesday. Wow i feel so Malaysian :)
3. Went to watch Letto's Showcase justnow at Ruums and i simply lurve lurve lurve his song "Ruang Rindu".
4. Ate Ramly Burger justnow- yeah!!! nothing beats good old Malaysian Ramly Burger with egg and cheese!!
5. Aziz Bakar was a sweetie to me the whole week i feel greatly inspired :)
6. Proton's New Sedan (my project!!!) collected almost 500 bookings!! Yippee... this is so awesome!
The lows of the week:
1. Quarralled with my boss over and over again. Gosh negotiations simply doesnt work with him.
2. Down with a very bad sore throat.
3. Had to go down to Tanjung Malim again just now... ugh.. very tiring
4. Proton's bonus is simply pathetic therefore it looks like i will never be rich yet.
5. Worked late every night...
I am soooo glad its Friday and so even more glad that i have nothing planned for the weekend except for a Hindi movie gathering at my boufriend's family house tomorrow. And that is an exciting gathering we do almost every other month. Its a "Mamak" thing, and a Saturday thing where we sit by the tv, chatting and eating Muruku while watching the likes of Devdas and Kal Ho Naa Ho.
Most importantly, i can rest and become a bum for the next 48 hours.... work has been extremely tiring i'm almost burnout!
I have a lot of male friends. We go out and chat chat chat. They are either single, married or attached. They are of different categories, but they are off for the same mission: They are observant about girls and hope to understand the females better.
I had lunch with one married male colleague today, tea with another married male colleague and dinner with an attached male colleague. I cannot really say that they are merely colleagues- the fact that we went the extra mile to spare an hour plus of lives to spend with each other means we either have the chemistry of stimulating conversations or we have literally evolved from "just colleagues" to good 'company'.
Anyway, they all had one thing in common- they were trying to understand the women they are seeing, the women they are with. And i became the honourable neutral body (like NGO) to try and explain the complications behind my so called famale species.
So much of all this made me make a list of my own too. If i were a guy, i would love:
1. Girls who are ladylike but firm.
2. Girls who are versatile and provides a lot of laughter.
3. Girls who are simple but yet adds flavour to her personality.
4. Girls who wins a guy through passive flirtation- which means she wins people without even trying.
5. Girls who are not so generous in giving their love or themselves so that people will be asking for more.
And i would hate:
1. Girls who are clingy to their male counterparts - these are the ones who usually drives the boys insane.
2. Girls who are plastic- the fake face, fake bank account, fake smile, fake laughter and fake personality.
3. Girls who whine and thrine- it shivers the spine.
4. Girls who are bimbos- all they can think about is shopping and hair-do-ing... they do not indulge in low-end sports like badminton or the likes because its too unfashionable.
5. Girls who gets too prissy over everything.
Voila!! I have made my top 10 list!! ;)
THIS is why i've been working like a mad-dog for the past six months. Its new-ly born, but destined to go places. A NEW CAR. A new addition to the Proton family. Every part of me is planted into this project, and this launch is as maddening as ever.
What happens today is the Soft Launch- the day we open for bookings, but not yet for viewing. Its a sneak preview. The official launch is on 15th August.
Nope, i cannot sleep yet till all is delivered.
I woke up again today at 5am like as if something knocked me over. When you are so involved in something as exciting as a big car launch, it is almost like hell freezes over and all systems is not in place.
This is the BIGGEST deal for me for 2007. I cannot imagine anything else that will beat this time's adrenaline rush. Rush hour has started for me. This is the project that defines my career situation ever since it started two years ago. This is it. This is the impact. I have never worked this insanely hard in my life ever before.
I cannot imagine myself throwing a temper, a tantrum or losing specifically my mind before until i got myself all tied up to deliver this new baby. This has taught me so much about myself, my maximum potential and it definitely is- a life changing experience.
I hope, just like the tagline, just like the car itself, i will be destined to go places.
why can't i maintain a normal blog like others?
this is an unnecessary posting, but i have to write it down because i do not like the fact that i cannot maintain a "Blog" in my blogspot page because i always run out of things to write about.
either that or i am terribly indiscipline.
Many of my friends have blogs thats so good to read, purely intellectual and with fantastic artwork. And i have nothing but this Friendster blog and still am not able to maintain it or fully utilize it. heheh.
Today i got the chance to come home early and buried myself into reading my favourite getaway book: The Adrian Mole diaries!! ;) I dont quite enjoy horny British comedy, bue Sue Townsend is simply cute and extremely witty! I think characters like Adrian does exist actually.
I think God created 6 billion people in this world because He wanted me to meet the author of the Volume of Interactions.
Our friendship started 7 years ago when i was still a teen (to be correct, 19). As much as it is important to have a friendship to last that long, its more important to have a "passionate" friendship- a friend to tell, a friend to tell it ALL. A friend who when you tell it all, he will give you what you NEED to hear, NOT what you WANT to hear. And he should say it in the best manner so that it is easy for you to accept it.
Two things that he said which changed my perspective. Aiz, i don't know whether you remember it or not, but the way i know you, you would. And they were:
1. That is not you. You are not like that.
2. Because you are extra-ordinary.
3. Stop playing games.
He reminded me of who i am. And that made an impact on me today. An impact on my perspective. On the things that i have been doing. On things that i have taken lightly. On things that i might jeopardize.
He reminded me- by just saying the brutal truth- simply reminded me of the things i should do, should choose, over other things.
I think, sometimes in life, when things get a little bit routine, mundane and extremely difficult, you will fall into a phase that lawyers call- Temporary Insanity. I have been there before. I never got out of it until i got a slap on my face. But today, i managed to raise above it- as my best friend Radin said it- to be on the moral high ground is what you are, Hariah.. and i took those words at heart.
Sometimes when you forget who you are, what you have becomed, you should turn to those who can help you- that's why God Created 6 Billion People In The World. 6 Billion People- and counting...
In fact, i received a wake-up call for being someone i thought i was- but i wasn't. It was actually, a good wake-up call. A wake-up call from the one person who has groomed me to become better than average. Better than mediocre. That someone is not here with me, but is here to keep me happy. That someone might not be here physically, but he made me realize that yes- the world is a small place. That distance does not matter. That the world is too small to make the distance matter. He, is among the 6 Billion People Who God Created and wanted me to not only meet, but to share this short life with. God wanted me to always be inspired, to have someone to look up to. Someone to benchmark. Aziz is that someone.
I am extraordinary. I should not settle for something less. I am of extraordinary character. I say things and i mean it. I clean up after my mess. I appreicate friendships. I take relationships seriously. Family matters to me. I go for long walks by the lake when i needed to think. I know what i want in life and i wake up from a nightmare when i get wake-up calls like these.
Most importantly, i make mistakes. Some are intentional, some are accidental. Its ok to make a mistake as long as you can learn a good lesson from it.
Recently, i made an intentional mistake. Someone might get hurt. But nobody did. It was intentional because i didn't know the whole story. And because i have always wanted to clarify my options and experiment- i let myself make this mistake. But life's too short for lab games, isn't it?
Although it takes two to tango, it takes someone to put one foot on the ground and to stop the game.
Aiz said: Stop playing games. Its not worth it.
And i got it. Just like that, i am reminded of WHO I AM. I don't play games. I'm not even good at video games for that matter.
Who i am- is a firm person. Principled and ambitious. Maybe a little punk- but still principled and ambitious. Loyalist and practical. And, i am a good swimmer. Which literally mean- i will never sink. I might dive into the lake and struggle and float, but i will ALWAYS rise to the surface.
I dont do things that are unnecessary. I dont play games and i dont fall and not bounce back.
And for this realization, to correct matters- in this phase that i've been in- He needs to be the better man. If he couldn't, then thats ok, because that only means- that i needed to be the better woman.
The best part of all- i can be the better woman. Because Aiz didn't say that i was extraordinary for nothing. And Radin didn't say that i was a person of a moral high ground for nothing. And Aziz did not say that he loved me for nothing.
They said all that because they MEAN it, and because they KNOW me, and because i DESERVE it.
Among the 6 Billion People that God created, i am glad that i spent 8 hours today with the person i met 7 years back. Because that person is "My Person". He is the person who becomes my wake-up call, my gentle reminder, and the one friend who says it best when i needed to listen to my inner strength.
I feel like i got my inner soul back. Like the soul who left me sometime ago has returned to its master. Like i went on a holiday vacation and now has landed on my homeland.
And its great to be back. Now, it feels like home again.
With the project launching just around the corner, my boss and me drives each other up the wall every other hour of the day.
I cannot stand him and i think its vice versa.
Its a mutual thinggy i suppose.
He wishes for me to shut the **** up when he's talking and i cannot help but always defend myself and my senses in every conversation, argumentation, confrontation.
I think i have the tendency to turn people psycho. I drive two people nuts today- my boss and my boy.
I think its a part of a pre-launch madness. Its called the LMS = Launch Madness Syndrome. It makes you think in your sleep and all hell freezes over.
KL. It might not be the most happenin' city on earth, but its my city. Tonite i roamed the streets from TTDI to Bukit Bintang and never felt so gifted to be in KL... with Bono singing in my ears and Fajitas at Hard Rock... its the definition of a good way to wrap-up a work-free weekend.
Whoever said hittin' the roads in KL is a bad way to unwind is very wrong. The first rule is to choose a Sunday night instead of a Saturday nite- and please wear the right shoes if you're thinking of walking the walk at Bintang Walk (i wore my best Nine West- it almost killed me).
KL... just like anything else in life, has so much to offer if you could only see it, indulge in it, make full use of it. The last time i took a drive like this was New Year's eve. You see, i do take drives like this every now and then to fall in love with KL all over again. The best thing about tonight is seeing the lights on the street and feeling very Malaysian about it. Theres something about the lights that makes you feel almost romantic. Almost.
Whats missing is a live band to jumpstart my adrenaline. Well, maybe next week :)
I am looking forward to Zeta Bar...
In the right mood
The right glamour scene
NOT the right shoes
The right company
Love, a subject matter i have kinda left behind... say, like a year ago.
You see, since my last sight of Mr Boyfriend at JFK AIrport, i think love stopped existing altogether. I made that feeling happen because its easier to really live my life when i keep things that way.
But anyway, since we are on that subject matter, let me explain why i'm bringing this up.
Sad, tormented love songs- thats why. I've been listening to Elliott Yamin's "Wait for You". And its a nice song- melodious and catchy and the kind of songs that keeps you spirited (if you're waiting for that special someone- for whatever reason), and definitely a romantic love song.
It goes like this:
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I dont know what else I can do
Dont tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I'll wait for you
You see, i'm the kind of person who over-analyzes everything. And even though how much i like this song, i tend to over analyze it too.
A colleague of mine who's been married for couple of years but still always steal the opportunity to fake a flirting situation with me and always traps me in matters pertaining to "love", asked this:
Do women hop onto the boat while waiting fr the yacht to pass by?
My reply was: Ask your wife. She probably has more experience in this rather than me.
But my actual reply is- i dont know.
But what i can analyze is- you can never really tell what's worth waiting for until something bad happens.
And what i have decided on is that- people dont really wait like Elliott Yamin. They only do that in Hindi movies or that sort. In analyzing the song- i realized how people over-characterize the characters in a love song. Maybe its added drama to specifically romanticize the whole thing- but hey, i studied Literature, which means, i studied English Romanticism, and i totally understand that dramatic effects add the spice to the lyrics.
Do you really wait for that someone for the rest of your life?
Not really. Nope. Because i think theres more than one person who can make you happy in life. If not, divorces and re-marriage don't happen. So, you shouldnt really be dwelling on that one person in life just because love songs like Elliott Yamin chants for you to do so.
Sad, tormented love songs can be utterly depressing. ;)
Which is why- i have started listening to Bon Jovi's "Its my Life" and "Livin' On a Prayer" instead...
Some people go through it. Its called losing a screw up in your head. Its when your brains go hay-wire and you kind of say things you don't really mean, worst- do things to people that you don't really want.
Funny questions that i receive within the last one week:
"So, are you losing it yet?"
"How many pounds have you lost?"
"Are you OK up there?"
This project is killing me. But i refuse to believe what is going to kill me. In contrary, i want to believe that i will survive this. Because only when i believe that i'll survive, then only will i come through this. Maybe this is what happens to cancer victims.
Last week, i lost it. I snapped at two people who irritated me- professionally. They professionally irritated me and I professionally snapped. And i didn't say sorry for what i've said, because they were only firm words which was meant to solve a situation.
If you are curious about what i actually do that is making me go bonkers all these while- then let me explain. Without revealing anything that is against the company's policy- i can only tell one thing- it needs tender loving care (symbolically).
The other thing i can "tell" is how i've been working like a mad dog for this arrival. I'm doing a Manager's job, a clerk's job, a kilang job and all sorts of donkey jobs just to make sure the delivery is smooth.
When you are made a Product Champion in a big car company that is struggling to survive- with or against the colonizers, do expect rough waters out in the sea.
But then again, i say to myself every single day- i'm 26 years old, and i'm young, i'm healthy, i'm focused, i'm ambitious and i'm given a pair of hands and legs which are functioning. If there's ever a time in my life where i will work my ass off for anything related to work, it will be NOW.
